Oh for the good old days when the kids roamed free in their neighborhoods!
Now, instead of socializing on the corner, children visit during "playdates," having
friends over at appointed hours. It's one more thing the modern mom
needs to master: how to plan playdates.
The good news about playdates
is that they help kids learn to get along. When the playdate goes
well, mom and dad can also get a break as the children entertain
themselves.
It's delightful to see your little one share her favorite toys with
a friend. And these get-togethers are a nice way to connect with
other parents.
The bad news is that playdates can turn ugly in
the time it
takes to say, "That's mine!" With a few faux pas, it's also easy to
alienate the parents of the small guest who attends the same school
as your child.
As a mother who has hosted get-togethers successful
and not so stellar, I offer these these valuable tips on how
to plan playdates. May your little meeting be a happy one!
*Let your child pick her friends. With toddlers, playdates
are about getting the parents together, so it makes sense to target
kids whose folks you like. When children can be dropped off, however,
it's best to consult them on playdate picks.
*Avoid threesomes. Two's company, three's a crowd was never
truer than with small fry. Unless all is going well, try to distract
little sister with a separate project or even a movie. Better yet,
get her a playdate.
*Invite the parent in. Your little visitor may dash in
the door and not look back. But if the playdate is a first, his
mom or dad will appreciate getting a lay of the land. Show the
other parent around.
*Note the info. Get the contact number and ask whether
your guest has any food allergies or special issues. Also, set
a pickup time, making the playdate short and sweet, say around
2 hours long. Ask permission if you want to do something unusual,
like take the kids swimming.
*Corral the guest's stuff. There's nothing worse than racing
around to search for missing shoes while the other mother waits
at your door, car running, toddler crying in the back seat. Put
the friend's things aside early on.
*Set Rules. For playdate success, tell the kids what they
can and cannot do, but keep the list short. In our house there's
no playing in mom and dad's room and no jumping on beds.
*Butt Out. With children are under four, you'll have to
supervise and manage them closely. But let older kids play independently
and come up with their own fun. Check in often, though. Silence
is not necessarily golden. It may just mean that the bathroom mirror
is being colored with your new lipstick.
*Feed them. Popcorn, pretzels and fruit have resuscitated
many an ailing playdate at our house. Low blood sugar makes for
lousy relations. Plan playdates to include food.
*Prepare for Revolt. Your guest may act well while your
own child undergoes a Jekyll-Hyde transformation. Kids like to
test their powers when entertaining on home turf. Let your child
stew, and engage the friend in a game. Your kid will eventually
join in.
*End on a high note. Children may argue for most of the
playdate but if it ends while they're having fun, that's what they'll
remember. Rescue a flagging playdate by doing something silly,
like making a yucky potion out of toothpaste, ketchup, vinegar
and baking soda.
*Don't trade belongings. Especially early on, kids want
to take toys home from other houses. I've played this game. It's
a no-win. No sooner has one child agreed to give away her precious
bear, than she changes her mind and bursts into tears. Save yourself
grief and ban these little exchanges.
*Tell all. Okay, so the playdate was a disaster. Her daughter
broke your child's favorite toy and then walked in on your husband
while he was getting dressed. Let the other parent know what happened.
It's better for her to hear the straight, bad version from you
than a horrifying, inaccurate one.
*Take her up on it. The other mother picks up her child,
thanks you and says she'd love to have yours over. Really? When?
Set a date to keep the playdate ball rolling. It's great when you
can take turns hosting.
*But don't expect reciprocity. Be understanding if the
other parent doesn't offer to host the next playdate. These get
togethers don't fit well into many families schedules. Don't take
it personally. Parents' lives are so busy these days that they
often don't have time to date each other.
*Opt out. Guess what? Playdates are optional. Kids can
develop social skills in all sorts of other environments. And if
they play at the park, you don't have to clean up afterwards!
(c) 2006 Jennifer Bingham Hull.
Reprint rights granted as long as entire article is published,
including resource box and its live links.
About the Author
Jennifer Bingham Hull's award-winning book, Beyond
One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life, looks at
life after the second child. To learn more, visit www.growingafamily.com,
where you can contact her to receive this "Life Beyond One" column
regularly and sign up for her free newsletter.
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