When's the best time to have a
second child? The best age gap for siblings? What's easiest for
mom and dad?
Parents often agonize about when to have the second
child. And no wonder. One of the biggest factors affecting family
life is the age difference between children.
Obviously it's hard
to time having a second baby exactly. But it is worth considering
the advantages and disadvantages of different scenarios for
spacing siblings.
Here's what you need to know to plan your family:
*Three years apart is considered optimal. The consensus
among experts is that three years between kids is the best spacing
for both children and parents. It gives the first child a chance
to get established emotionally and provides parents enough time
to gather their wits before the second child arrives.
*Spacing siblings closely is hard early on. Parents with
kids less than three years apart in age have to deal with two tots
in diapers, two throwing tantrums and two wiggling out of their
car seats. It's a phase - however, it's a long and often stressful
one.
*Close spacing pays off later. Kids close in age tend to
have the same interests, schedules and friends, making them easy
to manage as they grow. They can go to bed at the same time, watch
the same movies and go to the same school.
*Spacing siblings widely has initial advantages. Parents
with children more than three years apart in age can give each
child more one-on-one attention early on. An older brother or sister
can also help with the new baby.
*Wide spacing becomes a stretch later. Siblings far apart
in age have very different schedules and needs. Parents have to
straddle two separate worlds, helping with potty training one moment
and homework the next, shuttling from playdates to the prom.
*Timing determines how long you're a hands-on parent. If
your children are two years apart in age, you'll have a child at
home for about 20 years. If they're 12 years apart, you're on duty
for a good 30 years.
*Sibling compatibility doesn't depend on spacing. It's
easier for children to play together when they're close in age.
But in the long run, personality is more important than spacing
in determining how well siblings get along.
*It works out. Parents tend to advocate whatever age gap
their kids end up with, finding it hard to imagine life any other
way. So don't worry. You'll enjoy benefits no matter when your
second child arrives and probably feel the timing was just right.
(c) 2006 Jennifer Bingham Hull.
Reprint rights granted as long as entire article is published,
including resource box and its live links.
About the Author
Jennifer Bingham Hull is an award-winning
author and mother of two. Her book, Beyond One: Growing
a Family and Getting a Life, looks at life after the
second child. To learn more, visit www.growingafamily.com,
where you can contact her to receive this "Life Beyond One" column
regularly and sign up for her free newsletter.
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